A SERIES OF TUBES

IM BACK MOTHER FUCKERS

2008-04-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

I CAN HAVE PARTY NOW REALLY?!

Pontifex Maximus Tony Hawkis

2008-03-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

Since most of my NCAA pics are going down the toilet.I decided to look at pictures of Churches to get in the Easter Spirit. On the Diocese of New York website, they however,have a special page to design a skateboard, in honor of Pope Bendict's visit to the Big Apple next month. This struck me as wierd, but then I remembered who the former Vicar of Christ entertained at the Vatican.

Breakdancing For The Pope - The funniest bloopers are right here

Pictured.....one of the skateboards that could impress an 80 year old German.

Words of Wisdom

2008-03-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

For the past two years of my life, I have been engaged in a great struggle to conquer the beast known as Community College. The place I study in this bastion of learning is the bottom of the little used (unless you count Indians making out in the bathroom) Library. Anyway yesterday I decided to jot down some sayings that graced the walls of the library, no doubt written by Prophets
Let each line wash over you like a cool breeze......

"Fuck you MCC, I have 2 dicks ....take Eng 011"......I am shocked this person is in a non-credit class.

"I like to poop more then anyone"

"I eat herpes"

"The Beatles LIVE! at my house"

"Free fellatio call 911"

"I love Smoking Crack does that make me a crack head?"

listen to this song while you read these masterpieces....it adds to the ambiance.

my FEARLESS prediction

2008-03-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

I shit the bed in the 10,000....lets not talk about that

but....you heard it here first....CORNELL OVER STANFORD(always pick the Ancient 8 in the first round)..........................enjoy your Saint Patricks Day everyone.....

videoed- John Wayne throwing around his women ,fighting some drunken Mick.

Poets Corner...The ode to the 10,000 meter run

2008-03-14T21:59:00.000-07:00

"the first cold shower
even the monkey seems to want
a little coat of straw".....that isnt my own work. I found it on the Wikipedia on Haiku's. Any monkey reference gets automatic play on my blog....heres mine about the upcoming 10,000 meter run.....

"Skinny track girls notice
my wang is poking through my shorts
25 laps SHAME!"
.....a full report of my battle with the man-beast that is the 10,000 meter run tomorrow evening.
videoed-Excellent distance running music

Me and English Soccer Star Peter Crouch....Brothers?

2008-03-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

You decide!

The Chinese are good at scary Youtube videos

2008-03-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

If the opening ceremonies of the Olympic Games this year are as organized as this, I will have to wear "depends". How can we protect our spot as the top dawg in the world, when the Chinese are soooo good at flag raising ceremonies? Boy Scout Troop 33 better work on hoisting that flag in front of the Church to get to this level.

Bad Ass Classical Art and Music of the week

2008-03-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

The great French painter Jacques-Louis David painted this in 1793. It shows the murdered French Revolutionary leader Jean-Paul Marat, laying in a tub after being murdered by a follower of the opposing political party. Theres something that always caught my eye about this painting. I think its because it shows that even the most radical and outspoken of people is rendered silent by death.

The classical music for this week is on a lighter note......ITS THE 1812 OVERTURE MOTHERFUCKERS

im ready to take on Jane Austin and Edward the Confessor at the same time.

2008-03-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

This Youtube gem from the PBS feature "The Anti-Americans", shows a group of snobby British people sitting around "critiquing" the US. Here are some zingers the limeys throw at us.

"America is the first nation to come from barbarians"

-This is fucking news to me. I was always taught that the 13 colonies were founded by the British. So are you calling the British Empire barbarians? Well Ireland, India, China, Pakistan, Israel, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Bangladesh and the many other cultures the British Empire screwed up agrees with you.

"They skipped the Civilized bit and went straight to Consumerism"

-What in the the name of Winston Churchill's taint are they talking about? American Culture is quite refined. From the art of Charles Willson Peale in the 1700's, and the writing of Edgar Allen Poe and Walt Whitman in the 1800's. To the music of Aaron Copeland and New Jerseys own Bruce Springsteen in the last century. How can you not say American culture is not civilized? I can list American gifts to Western Civilization for the next 15 years....eat a dick pricks.

"The whole of blue collar America liked Bush because they are inarticulate and not very educated as well"

-This one really gets under my skin. Albeit I am not the biggest fan of the Bush Administration but how can you make such a broad statement? Just because your a blue collar worker doesn't mean your some gun tooting yahoo. I firmly believe most people who voted for Bush had valid reasons. From wanting more national security to protecting the right to life. While we may not agree with them, we cant attack their intelligence. These idiots hold the American middle class in the same way Louis the XVI held the French Peasantry in contempt before the French Revolution.

"The scary thing is the naivety and the ignorance of the American people in relation to their politicians."
-I can think of only one thing to one up this motherfucker. ELECT CAMACHO FOR SPITE....South Carolina what up!

"If the Idiot Society just wants a car, a television and you know a sort of selfishness then why should they have interest in politics"

-The lady in the pearl necklace(tee hee hee) just went off on us. But again with calling America a stupid society. The simple fact that America is the most religious developed nation gives credit to the idea that we are not selfish and infact have our eyes set on high goals and virtue. Btw guess what selfish idiot nation gives the most aid to the 3rd world out of EVERY single nation on the globe.

"Bush is much smarter then we think"

-No he is not, your just stupid, pompous Eurotrash.

Welcome to the Hub City, Kurt Cobain!

2008-03-11T00:06:00.000-07:00

According to insane/washed up rocker Courtney Love,her ex husbands identity and information has been stolen.Yet the amazing part of this story is that according to her... "I did a check on my deceased husband’s social security number and he has a house in New Brunswick, New Jersey. He bought it last year." I will give 20$ to ANYONE who finds a 3.3 million dollar house in New Brunswick.
http://perezhilton.com/2008-03-08-kurt-cobain-back-from-the-dead

"My insane still living wife sent my ghost to old Rutgers...."

Eliot Spitzer Pimpin' all over the world(from Buffalo to Long Island!)

2008-03-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

"Because a Pimps love is a special kind of love"

pictured-2 famous John's(Prince John of England and soon to be former NY Gov Spitzer

SNOW DAY

2008-02-22T18:09:00.000-08:00

I was going to write about Milltown but a snow storm ruined the fun....jack frost strikes again

you know what tonight is?

2008-02-21T19:11:00.000-08:00

Fitness Celebrity John Basedow loves The Fray, not pooing in the morning

2008-02-21T14:05:00.000-08:00

Like many of you I have been subjected to the commercials,featuring Fitness Celebrity John Basedow . For years we have marveled at his ability to pose, with an open shirt in a house of brilliant pastel colored 80's furniture. BUT did you know he is a word smith,ladies man and star of reality TV?
Quotes attributed to Fitness Celebrity John Basedow
Here are the most glorious ones ....
"I am the author of the only dictionary that defines me."

"Don’t be an energy vacuum...sucking the joy from people. Negative people can clear a room quicker than a fart."

"Why live in the real world when mine is so much better?"
Fitness Celebrity John Basedow has fans!

The Grand Finale

videoed-follow John Basedow as he talks about pooing,getting a dog.

My cup of tea

2008-02-20T18:48:00.002-08:00

Everyone has their own tastes in life. I thought it would a hoot to list mine.

1.College Team-Rutgers
The birthplace of College Football is on the banks of the Old Raritan and, I have basically lived at the RAC for the past 5 years. The one true team of my home state and my formative years are the men of Rutgers. Leaving the world of RU sports will be tough next year

Favorite Pokemon-Chansey!
If you call me effeminate ,I will tell you to eat a dick. This Pokemon rules for so many different reasons. First of all it helps people, I don't see that prick Charizard helping injured Pokemon. This classy pink lady is the Clara Barton ,of the Micheal Vickesqe world of Pokemon battling.

Picture of Beauty-Jennifer Ehle(Pride and Prejudice)
Back in my middle school days, I styled myself a dandy. I would read Jane Austin in school and act gallantly. Little did I know it made me seem like the King of Castro Street. Yet what I did take away from this period is the radiance of Jennifer Ehle who played in the BBC version of "Pride and Prejudice". Miss( i hope miss).Ehle is my picture of classic beauty

Favorite Song/Artist-Regina Spektor/ Bartender
This delightful artist has that classical style im looking for. She seems down to earth and not letting her fame get to her.(unlike other female singer songwriters...thats for you Ricky!) Watch this clip and I DARE you not to admire her talent and think she is so adorable.

Favorite King of England-George the III
On this side of the pond KG3 gets a bad rap. Yet this guy wasn't really that bad. KG3 was the first of the Hanoverian Kings to actually learn English and not speak German. Also he was a big fan of farming and really only hated one thing..the new American nation, but we all cant be perfect can we. Too bad he went crazy at the end of his life and had purple poop(TRUE fact).

Favorite Dairy Product-Milkshakes
I love me some Milkshakes. Give me those frosty delights(not talking about Glenn Close and Dame Judi Dench naked) any time of the day. I have from 3-5 milkshakes every week. Ernest Hemingway had his cigars,L.Ron Hubbard had his teenage boys and this "writer" has his milkshakes.

Favorite Simpson's clip..
we work hard....we play hard

.......
BTW-get ready for my review of Milltown ,NJ this Friday!

FAIL

2008-02-20T18:48:00.001-08:00

COPY PASTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all hail the King of Pricks...Andre Rieu

2008-02-19T21:30:00.000-08:00

If Mozart and Bill Limbergh from "Office Space" had a love child this tool would come out. Seeing this guy prance around and yell makes me angry to "Incredible Hulk" levels. Sleep tight on your piles of money and middle aged women panties.
/bitter and jealous

videoed= The Waltz should only be for awkward Drama nerds looking to score, and sinking gilded age ships.

ITS A SIREN!

2008-02-19T18:40:00.001-08:00

I love Drudgereport Sirens

Beast with 2 Backs!(of Babylon?)

2008-02-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

I was not going to write anything today, because I have to study for a test. Yet this was too juicy to pass up. The Relevant Church out of you guessed it Florida, wants married couples to have sex for 30 days straight. This task is right out of National Lampoons "Van Wilder" or "Beta-House", someone alert Dane Cook and begin the reanimation of Tara Reed! The reasoning by the Church was the 50% divorce rate in the country. So by the rationale of The Relevant Church.....Sex=Problem solving

Other topics Sex can solve.
1. Teacher giving you problems- Why not make a pass at your Chemistry teacher for that extra 10 points after all Chem-is-try!

2.Family problems-(Only works below Mason-Dixon Line and Utah)

3.Spectator sports-Team cant score in the clutch? Hardcore masturbation in the stands may be just what the doctor ordered!

Videoedededed- According to this video ,Evangelical Sex is a series of red flashes of distressed people that may or may not cause seizures.

Happy Presidents Day Motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-18T18:15:00.000-08:00

2008-02-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

Remember America....McCain means 4 more years of Republican control of the White House.

Mike Huckabee has no need for your Algebra

2008-02-18T07:41:00.001-08:00

Inside my circle of friends, there is a running joke about Republican back runner Mike Huckabee. When asked about the almost impossible mathematical chance, of winning the Republican ticket he has replied that,"I know the pundits, and I know what they say: The math doesn't work out. Well, I didn't major in math, I majored in miracles." Which I suppose is a glorious line. Mr.Huckabee is basically giving a "fuck you", to rational thought and letting, crazy Conservatives have their own version of Ron Paul(the messiah for bearded libertarians from Vermont). Man the race for 2008 is gonna be fun.

pictured-Mike Huckabee plays bass for this song..........

history for a Sunday night

2008-02-17T19:54:00.001-08:00

Anyone who knows me is aware of my love of Wikipedia. While surfing Papel history ,I came across without doubt the coolest thing to ever come out of the Papacy. The so-called "Cadaver Synod" when Pope Stephen the IV in 896 dug up the" The body of Formosus according to some sources, seated on a throne while his successor, Pope Stephen VI, read the charges against him (to which Formosus was found guilty) and conducted the trial". I personally find this story BATSHIT insane. The charges against Pope Formosus were pretty bland something with interpreting scriptures. Me thinks Pope Stephen the VI was a douche. Sorry I just had to share this ridiculous story.BTW "Cadaver Synod" would make a kickass Myspace name , someone alert Gym Class Heroes!

pictured-Pope Stephen accusing the corpse of Pope Formosus.

Town Review-Helmetta

2008-02-17T17:51:00.000-08:00

Want to play a game? Which East Coast town doesn't belong?

A.Philadelphia

B.New York City

C.Helmetta
I will give you time to think......

Correct answer is C, Yeah, we get it, Helmetta. You're a small town. Blast this song, drink some Bud, and toast your snuff factory-dominated hamlet. Maybe you would fit better in Nebraska. What more do I need to say about Helmetta? South River, NJ, next week....

Gym Class Heroes....This generations Bob Dylan?

2008-02-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

Runners love music,yet don't confuse my running music for the music i normally listen too. My running MP3 list includes such bands as "New Found Glory","Saves the Day" and "The Starting Line" ,these bands are so sugary that it could make a 12 year old girl blush. Yet there is one band that has been KICKED OFF my running list. The band in question is "Gym Class Heroes".

Pictured- equals in the eye of History...King David composing Psalms and Gym Class Heroes performing "Clothes off"

Anyway the beautiful lyrics of Gym Class Heroes are too intelligent and flowery so they turned me off to the band...with all respect to Fire Joe Morgan...lets look at a few

" It's that "circle, circle, dot, dot"Cootie shot shit, you know Everybody lovin' it, but ain't nobody touchin' it, yeah" -It's Ok, But Just This Once!

-First off any song title with an exclamation point in it guarantees its gonna be a ride.Also did they just get lazy and put 3rd grade rhymes in the song , and what are they "lovin" but not "touchin" me thinks it could be Michelangelo's "Pieta" which is something that comes to mind when you think of Disashi , Travie and the rest of the band.

"I remember when I first laid eyes on you.My man Tom introduced us but I was too shy to say hi.When I finally built up enough nerve to drop a line.You made it clear you wasn't just another myspace mistress"- New Friend Request

-OMG! A song about myspace!!!!! Are the boys from the band looking at my online history?(ignoring all the rule 34) LOLZZZZZZZZ

-"Oh I'm sorry, my name is Travee and I'm pretty much a big deal Oh, you've never heard of me That sounds absurd to me" -Clothes Off!

- first off GCH is using those exclamations like they are going out of business and Travee thy name is modesty

-"What do you say let's exit stage left so me and you can .Possibly reconvene and play some naked peekaboo"-Clothes Off!

-THIS IS THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION

Gotta calm down

2008-02-17T14:26:00.000-08:00

Im sorry if i insulted anyones college choices....let the sound of Chumba Wumba soothe your soul

please sing along.....btw who knew the chorus for the girls was "pissing the night away" how vulgar!

"En Veritas Douchbagggery"

2008-02-17T12:53:00.001-08:00

After watching Rutgers shit the bed and lose 71-68 to the hands of the Fightin' Micks and hearing the ND fans go nuts for beating a team that was 2-11 in league........i thought to myself "how douchey are they!"

This made me think..what are the Douchiest Colleges in the nation? Now surely ND is up there simply because of their "privileged" football program. Yet I believe 5 universities have separated themselves from rest of the pack in terms of Doucheyness.

5.The New School(Manhattan)- Do you have a smug sense of satisfaction? Does your family live in Connecticut? Finally do your parents have 40k a year for you to live in Manhattan? Then the Eugene Lang College or the "New School" is the place for you! With the school boasting that students are "more urban, academic, and aware than your average college student." The New School is a perfect place for a rich/smug suburbanite to read Ayn Rand and develop a sense of style,humor and spirituality based on irony. If the New School was a person it would be the dude at the party who brought a guitar then played Guster and talked about how "real" he was till he was balls deep in your girlfriend.

4.George Washington University(D.C)- When I attended High School there was a special class called "IPLE" which was basically a debating society that fooled 17 year olds that they could change the world. While most of these people were down to earth and friendly, others were not. Some would walk around and debate economics and politics and snub those who were more concerned with I don't know...being a teenager. Well G.W must be the fucking mothership for these people. I suppose the D.C location and the need to concern themselves with the corruption that is American Government is the main pull. This does not however explain the need to spend over $50,000 a year on college. The price alone of G.W makes it a douchey place.

3.Harvard/Yale and the entire Ivy League......One only needs to look at the lyrics to Harvard's fight song

llegitimum non carborundum;

Domine salvum fac.

Illegitimum non Carborundum;

Domine salvum fac.

Gaudeamus igitur!

Veritas non sequitur?

Illegitimum non carborundum -- ipso facto!

Ten thousand men of Harvard want vict'ry today,

For they know that o'er old Eli

Fair Harvard holds sway.

So then we'll conquer old Eli's men,

And when the game ends, we'll sing again:

Ten thousand men of Harvard gained vict'ry today!

A song in Latin and homo-19th century English is enough to brand the entire league. This leads me to believe the Ancient 8 is like one big Gilbert and Sullivan musical....that plays FOREVER.

Pictured-The Princeton Pep Band playing a song that you as a dumb asshole wouldn't get as a subtle jab at organized religion.

2.Community College(anytown USA) - I know I know I am currently attending a Community College which makes me sound bitter and jealous about all the other Colleges. But let me tell you Community College is purgatory. Some students at Community College are hardworking and just trying to get through life. While others make a mockery of education in America.Every new semester we have a "club fair" in the college cafeteria to try to attract interest in our humble commuter school nestled between the NJ turnpike and a landfill. Most times they have a DJ play music to make the mood easier. Yet I have seen over 20 douchebag guys take this as signal to grind with random women once the Rhianna remixes start. This makes me sick and ashamed, the community college jokes are justified.

Drum Roll please.........................................

1. Arizona State(Phoenix) -It must be Arizona States motto that says "Give me your cocky and arrogant frat dudes yearning to watch shitty PAC-10 sports."This desert mecca of leathery tanned skin fucktards and the bimbos that love them must attract douches from across the county. While The New School may be the beacon for all the smug hipsters in the world. Arizona State must be the opposite for the flakey, frat joining scrotum's that helps the southwestern state school take the crown.

Go Sun Devils?

ITS A CELEBRATION

2008-02-17T11:52:00.000-08:00